So, here's the deal. I plan to start writing a blog about my adventures of HomeOwnerMan. I'm not going to restrict myself to topics. It might be about home repair, or travel, or cooking, or visual arts, or what is on TV. I may have an advice column eventually. Who knows.
While you are waiting for something to happen here, read this...
HomeOwner Man and the Greener Weed Killer
While it often seems that superheros spend their whole day fighting the world's injustices and dealing with the more lofty issues that plague the world, even they have to occasionally weed the flowerbeds. Homeowner Man and Wifegirl are no exception, and a wet spring brought out an array of weeds at stately Homeowner Manor which would stagger even the spider sense of the best superheros.
Until last year our dynamic duo would do hand-to-hand combat with the weeds, yanking them root and all and throwing them into the bushel basket from crabs gone by. While a slow process, it was sustainable and did no harm to the environment. However, the encounter would always leave them with the altered identities of Pustule Pete and Festering Frau because of a little villain called contact dermatitis. Unlike mortals, who go by the adage "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me", Homeowner Man and Wifegirl treated the poison ivy as an annual badge of honor, never quite smart enough to avoid this adversary.
But last year, they'd had enough. They called on their butler, Jeeves, to purchase a weapon for their tool belts called "Roundup." This was guaranteed to kill off the offending weeds, and it was as good as its word. Though the chemical nature of the weapon concerned the pair, and they worried about long term exposure and effects it might have on the environment of Homeowner Man Manor. It was a conundrum.
One day while browsing the International Crime-Fighting and Social Media Database, Homeowner Man came across a post from Friend Babe declaring an home-made alternative weapon against the invading weeds. It was cleverly named "Weed-Be-Gone" and was advertised to kill anything it was sprayed on and to be made from things that would already be found at stately Homeowner Manor
So Homeowner Man gathered the three ingredients and set out to whip up a batch of this miracle solution. The first ingredient was white vinegar which our heros have in great supply and use for everything from salad dressings to making tighty-whities transfiguration white. The second was Dawn dish soap, which they kept on hand in order to save any stray crude-oil-soaked baby ducks that might wander by. The third item was Epsom Salts. Homeowner Man had an abundant supply of Epsom Salts ever since the tragic sitz bath adventure of '13 which (I won't go into the details here, but) involved a physician with a new French manicure and what should have been a routine prostate exam. Homeowner Man vowed to never be without Epsom Salts again after that saga.
Having mixed up a half batch of the weed killer, Homeowner Man donned his wellies and set out to do battle. Using a pressure sprayer, he applied the solution to the offending weeds liberally, covering about 200 square feet with the half gallon. What followed was truly amazing.
First, rather than an offensive odor like Roundup, the Weed-Be-Gone smelled like a salad dressing from a fine Italian restaurant. The sprayer made it easy to apply, and cleanup was a cinch. Since there were no dangerous chemicals, or at least no complex dangerous chemicals, the equipment could be easily rinsed with water and discarded. Second, the success against the weeds was remarkable, indeed as good if not better than with Roundup.
Within an hour the large, thorny weeds began to shrivel and turn from green to gray. Leafy weeds were the most susceptible, but grasses began to wither after a time. Some things seemed unaffected like the many maple saplings which sprout up every year from the army of propellers that settle on Homeowner Manor.
So, Homeowner Man and Wifegirl are now believers. We will give you a long term update later, but the photos here illustrate the effectiveness of the product.
Homeowner Man: Making the ordinary Extra-ordinary.
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