{"id":118,"date":"2015-03-04T22:45:23","date_gmt":"2015-03-05T03:45:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/?p=118"},"modified":"2015-03-05T09:16:58","modified_gmt":"2015-03-05T14:16:58","slug":"homeownerman-the-making-of-a-superhero","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/?p=118","title":{"rendered":"HomeOwnerMan: The Making of a Superhero"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few years ago HomeOwnerMan and Wifegirl were entertaining SisterChick in the new kitchen that they had just remodeled.\u00a0 SisterChick looked around in amazement at the new tile floor, the new cabinets and countertops, the lighting, the extra sink, the exhaust hood and island, and asked, \u201cHow did you ever learn to do all of this?\u00a0 And how did you get the nerve to take on a project of this size?\u201d\u00a0 HomeOwnerMan could see a sudden look of regret in her eyes the moment the words left her mouth. It was the look of regret Kenny Rogers must see when one of his friends says, \u201cDo you want to play poker tonight?\u201d\u00a0 There is no taking the question back when it leaves the lips, but the regret is hard to hide.<\/p>\n

SisterChick had the regret in her eyes because she knew she was going to get an answer.\u00a0 A long answer.\u00a0 A three ridiculously-large-red-wine-glasses-full answer.\u00a0 You see, she knew her little brother HomeOwnerMan better than anyone besides WifeGirl.\u00a0 And she knew there would be no escaping the answer.\u00a0 So she settled in with her first globe of red wine and listened.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t start with a kitchen,\u201d HomeOwnerMan began, [Even with the narrator\u2019s choice of the word \u201cbegan\u201d she could tell she was in for it], \u201cyou start with a flapper valve in a toilet that just doesn\u2019t seal properly.\u00a0 You go to the hardware store and ask for \u2018one of those black things inside the toilet\u2019.\u00a0 You notice the snicker of the grizzled old hardware man as he begins to guess what you mean, asking questions like \u2018Was the black thing in the toilet before you sat down\u2019, and later zeroing in on \u2018is the black thing in the tank\u2026er\u2026you know\u2026the back part of the toilet?\u2019\u00a0 You nod your head in a less-than-confident way until he walks you over to the plumbing aisle and points to a red flapper valve.\u00a0 You say, \u2018but mine is black,\u2019 and he replies, \u2018yeah, they change the color every so often, but it will work for you.\u2019<\/p>\n

\"Florence<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cSo you buy the flapper valve [see how quick a study you are] and rush home to install it,\u201c HomeOwnerMan continued.\u00a0 \u201cIt takes you all evening, because you have several choices to make about how it is installed, but in the end you have a sense of satisfaction as your toilet now starts and stops when you tell it to.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou move on to patching the drywall where the drunken friend threw a fried ravioli through it.\u00a0 This, you find, takes a bit more skill, but in the end you have the same sense of satisfaction.\u00a0 Soon you\u2019ve put in a backsplash and a paver walk.\u00a0 But still, you don\u2019t feel like you have any super powers, just like a guy with a box of tools and a fixed toilet.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen one day, you notice water on your kitchen ceiling below the shower upstairs.\u00a0 \u2018This requires the big guns,\u2019 you reason. \u00a0And while you are at it, you decide it might be time to remodel the bathroom because the tile is an unpleasant pattern and you\u2019ve always wanted a light in the shower.\u00a0 \u2018It\u2019s too big a job for me,\u2019 you whimper.\u00a0 So you decide to call a contractor.\u00a0 You grab the yellow pages [this story happened when HomeOwnerMan was still quite young and people used yellow pages] and look for contractors.\u00a0 There are several listed who are local and have half-page advertisements.\u00a0 So you decide to call a few to get estimates.\u00a0 This is where the trouble begins.\u00a0 Of the first nine appointments you\u2019ve scheduled, only two of them actually show up, and one of them is fall-down drunk.\u00a0 The other one spends two minutes looking at your bathroom, measuring it to be 8\u2019 x 8\u2019.\u00a0 He does some fancy mathematics [8 x 8 is 64, times $100 per square foot is, er, $6400 but that sounds like a messy number and they have a nice car so\u2026] he tells you it will be $7000.\u00a0 You avoid dropping over from apoplexy, shake his hand, and tell him you will call him when you\u2019ve made a decision.\u00a0 You want at least three estimates, so you repeat this process twice more and get estimates of $10,000 and $14,000. The guy who gives you the $14,000 estimate even has the nerve to say, \u2018You know, it sounds high but it\u2019s not like I\u2019ll be going to Tahiti on your job.\u2019 He then hands you his card, and without even cracking an ironic smile, says \u2018Don\u2019t call me next week.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be golfing in Florida.\u2019 [I have not exaggerated this part of the story at all.]<\/p>\n

\u201cDistraught, you sit down to re-evaluate.\u00a0 The leak in the kitchen isn\u2019t all that bad yet.\u00a0 But a nagging voice in the back of your head says, \u2018You can do it.\u2019\u00a0 And you think \u2018Why not me?\u00a0 I can do this.\u2019\u00a0 You have a loving wife who believes in you.\u00a0 So you take a trip to the library the following Saturday [this was back when people went to the library to look stuff up] and take out all of their books on bathroom remodeling.\u00a0 You study up on how to tile, how to plumb, and how to drywall.\u00a0 You learn about new materials like cement board with special screws called \u201crock on\u201d.\u00a0 You pick out tile.\u00a0 You pick out fixtures.\u00a0 You put a light in the shower and tile the entire thing.\u00a0 You tile the floor.\u00a0 You paint with River Rock, a textured paint.\u00a0 And you and WifeGirl transform the room for under $1000.\u00a0 That little feeling of satisfaction has now ballooned into euphoria, because you now have a brand new bathroom and $6000 – $13000 that you would have paid to the fall-down drunk or the golfing guy.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow you tackle the deck.\u00a0 You get fancy with the design and materials, using Trex and composite railings.\u00a0 You are complimented by the township inspector on your very detailed drawings.\u00a0 You are a little concerned, though, because the fancy design requires sixteen concrete pilings for support and three concrete pads as stair landings and for the hot tub you are installing, and you have never done any concrete work.\u00a0 So you decide to call a concrete contractor for this.\u00a0 Pulling out the trusty yellow pages, you find six concrete contractors listed.\u00a0 The first one doesn\u2019t \u2018do concrete anymore.\u2019\u00a0 You call the second hear a sweet voice that says \u2018Daddy doesn\u2019t live here anymore.\u2019\u00a0 You press on to contractor number 3, but he \u2018won\u2019t be out of prison until next September at the earliest.\u2019\u00a0 Number 4 is your favorite.\u00a0 He says, \u2018yeah, I\u2019ll pour your concrete, but you\u2019ve got to dig all of the holes and frame out the pads.\u2019\u00a0 You say, \u2018but I would be paying you to do that\u2019, to which he replies, \u2018that\u2019s back-breaking work, I tell ya.\u2019\u00a0 Numbers five and six basically have no shot, because you have already succumbed to the realization that you will be learning to pour concrete this weekend.\u00a0 So back to the library you go, this time for books on concrete and masonry.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs blockhead number four said, it is back-breaking work.\u00a0 You rent an auger, and with the um, er, help, of HomeOwnerSenior, dig sixteen holes for pilings and three pads.\u00a0 You fill the bottom of each with rock, and begin mixing concrete bag-by bag.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got 104 of those suckers at 80 lb. each, so you see the need to outsmart gravity.\u00a0 You fabricate a see-saw on which you sit an 80 lb. bag of concrete, have WifeGirl press down on the other side of the see-saw, raising the bag to the mixer where you tear it open and dump it in, no lifting.\u00a0 And as if by magic, you and WifeGirl are now concrete experts.\u00a0 You complete the deck together, now adding heavy construction to your list of abilities.<\/p>\n

\"HomeOwnerSenior\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cYou tackle another bathroom and a laundry room.\u00a0 Then one day, the majors call.\u00a0 You are asked to join the big leagues after kitchen contractors throw numbers at you like $40,000 for their fee only, with materials and subcontractors extra.\u00a0 You go through your period of depression once again, until you come to the realization that you have done all of this before, just not all at one time.\u00a0 So the challenge is no longer the skills, it is the logistics.\u00a0 You learn how to create a Gantt diagram, and orchestrate the ballet that will become your new kitchen.\u00a0 You have it timed out so exactly that the electrical sub-contractor is planning vacations between his pieces of it, and your plumber knows he won\u2019t be in the way of the granite guy.\u00a0 Now the labor is just second nature.\u00a0 You can size up a job, estimate your materials and time, and have time to post about your progress along the way.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow you can step back knowing that you earned that cape and mask.\u00a0 You deserve to be called HomeOwnerMan.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"IMG_1075\"<\/p>\n

SisterChick takes that last swallow of the third glass of red wine.\u00a0 And she has a new found respect for you.\u00a0 And she\u2019s glad she asked you rather than playing cards with Kenny Rogers.\u00a0 You used to just be her sniveling little brother who tagged along with her and her friends.\u00a0 Now you are that cape wearing sniveling little brother who offers her wine.<\/p>\n

HomeOwnerMan: Making the ordinary extra<\/em> ordinary.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A few years ago HomeOwnerMan and Wifegirl were entertaining SisterChick in the new kitchen that they had just remodeled.\u00a0 SisterChick looked around in amazement at the new tile floor, the new cabinets and countertops, the lighting, the extra sink, the exhaust hood and island, and asked, \u201cHow did you ever learn to do all of … Continue reading “HomeOwnerMan: The Making of a Superhero”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-118","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-homeownerman-episodes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=118"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":126,"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118\/revisions\/126"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/homeownerman.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}