Orange and Black Report 2024

Orange & Black Book Report CY2024

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book report for Candy Year 2024 (CY2024) ending October 31, 2024. The weather in the Middle Tennessee reporting region was raining and mild (low 70s).

In a reversal of recent Halloween trends, trick-or-treating (T-or-T) showed a mild rebound. T-o-Ters were up 37% from CY2023 which was an all-time low. Distributors put as little effort into their job as possible, spending more attention on the Joe Rogan/JD Vance interview than to candy distribution,

The Middle Tennessee station reports 21 T-o-Ters with a median age of 11 +/- 2.3 years, with four entry-level T-o-Ters. This leading indicator reverses the downward trend of last year, indicating a renewed interest in the holiday tradition. A new trend seems to be a high number of adult escorts, (in one case a 6:1 adult to T-or-Ter, placing into question the future ability of the next generation to take care of the current generation in their golden years.)

T-o-Ters were met with an ample supply of premium full-sized chocolate candy including Kit-Kat, Hershey Bars, Hershey with Almonds, and Reese Peanut butter cups, sourced from the Murfreesboro Big Box store (Costco). Distributors were disappointed at the lack of overflow chocolate, however their healthcare workers (including but not limited to dentists and primary care physicians) were delighted.

Another leading indicator, costumes, showed optimistic trends. Whereas in CY2023 there was barely a costume seen, this year nearly every T-or-Ter was adorned in a new costume which gave off the odor of fresh vinyl and other fossil-fuel based fibers. Costumes included Woody, princesses of various Disney movies, and martial-arts type characters. Two oversized inflatable costumes were also noted.

The first T-or-Ter arrived at 6:16 PM CDT, and the last group arrived at 7:40 PM CDT. Awkward conversations included the number of mosquitoes attracted by our porch light.

One distributor complained at 7:41 PM that she could not do quality control on the candy until 8:00 PM. The Distribution manager sighted the low inventory and low quality backup inventory. The manager set a hard-stop of lights out at 8:00 PM.

The lack of chocolate in the house is concerning as the depression-inducing presidential election is only five days away.

Orange & Black Book Report CY2023

Orange & Black Book Report CY2023

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book report for Candy Year 2023 (CY2023) ending October 31, 2023. The weather in the Middle Tennessee reporting region was cold (low 40s) with partly starry skies and a waning gibbous moon. As speculated last year, the rise in the Trunk-or-Treat phenomenon has all but put an end to Halloween trick-or-treating in this region. T-o-Ters were down to an all-time low, which forced local distribution centers into chasing down local teenagers and stuffing candy in their hands, as well as increased efforts in candy quality control testing.

The Middle Tennessee station reports 15 T-o-Ters with a median age of 9 +/- 2.1 years, with only a single entry-level T-o-Ter. This leading indicator casts pessimism on future years, with a low number of T-or-Ters to fill the vacancies caused by the aging young teen cohort.

 T-o-Ters were met with an ample supply of over-priced (see economic indicators) “Fun Size” candy including Three Musketeers, Snickers, Skittles, and Starburst. Carnauba-wax products were again under-represented, with neither Haribo Gold Bears nor Gummy Worms being offered at any of the distribution centers. The Tennessee distribution center did experiment in the off season with chocolate refining as well as gummy-bear production. Both are deemed to be economically not feasible and of too high quality to be passed out, based on the lack of effort put in by the T-o-Ters.

The local area candy market was set up by some of the neighborhood, but this served to only confuse the T-o-Ters because not all neighbors participated in the market this year.

So few discernable costumes were displayed this year that it was below the scale for measurement. Exercise sweats and LED or glow stick lights are now the most imaginative costumes warn. This agent would have been delighted to have seen a single princess, power ranger, or graven image in the bunch, but sadly there were none.

By 7:45 CDT there were no signs of life.

The outlook for the longevity of this holiday is dim, at least as it was celebrated in the 1950’s through 1980’s. Most houses no longer distribute candy. The T-oTers do not walk the neighborhood but rather are driven, and the whole point of costumes seems to be lost. Our statisticians are beyond depressed at the turn it has taken.

Get off our Dept. CNF lawn.

Orange & Black Book Report CY2022

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book report for Candy Year 2022 (CY2022) ending October 31, 2022. The weather in the Middle Tennessee reporting region was chilly (mid 50s) with light rain. These factors, coupled with the holiday falling on a Monday, local rise in popularity of the Trunk-or-Treat phenomenon, poor economy including increased candy and costume prices, and post-pandemic introversion combined to affect the overall demand and supply of candy.

The Middle Tennessee station reports 30 T-o-Ters with a median age of 10 +/- 3.5 years, with fewer entry-level T-o-Ters than usual. Although the completion of an additional seven homes since CY2021 gave leading indicator of an increased demand, forecasters overestimated this demand failing to account for team sporting events and extra-neighborhood socialization.

The bottom line was a seasonally adjusted 30 T-o-Ters who were met with an ample supply of Kit-Kat, Reese cups, Hershey Bars with Almonds, Snickers, and assorted chocolate novelties. Carnauba-wax products were under-represented, with neither Haribo Gold Bears nor Gummy Worms being offered at any of the distribution centers.

In an effort to bring the suppliers in more convenient proximity to the consumers, many of the distributors assembled in a makeshift candy market at the center of the neighborhood. While developmental psychologists caution against this activity as it removes the requirement for the consumers to travel door-to-door, the distributors prefer this arrangement as it promotes social banter, note-comparison regarding home-builder deficiencies, and ability to provide value-added services such as music and log fires.

Costume imagination set a new low in the years since these statistics have been tabulated. The mode was toward domesticated canines (dalmations) and felines, with municipal services (police, fire) remaining a strong sector. Glowing graven-image masks rallied this year, with fewer princesses and power rangers.

It was lights-out at 8:00 PM CDT, in time to see most of the Monday Night Football game.

Escarole Soup (Italian Wedding Soup)

Escarole Soup
(Italian Wedding Soup)

This is an adaptation of my mother’s recipe. She never really measured things too much, so the measurements are ad lib. This recipe can be broken up into several stages, namely chicken stock, meatballs, and soup assembly, and can be done over successive days if need be. This makes it pretty easy to make for a holiday since most of the work can be done ahead of time.

Ingredients:
1 (or more) chicken or turkey carcass(es).
Salt to taste
1 ¼ to 1 ½ lb ground meatloaf mix (typically turkey, veal, and beef, but any ground meats will do)
7 eggs (2 for meatballs, 5 for egg drop mixture)
½ cup seasoned bread crumbs
¼ cup fresh parsley, minced
Salt & pepper to taste
1 tsp oregano
1 cup of grated Locatelli cheese
1 large (or 2 small) head(s) of escarole, washed and cut into 1” x 2” strips
3 scallions, cut into ¼” pieces

Chicken Stock
Boil fresh or frozen poultry carcass in about 6 quarts of water and a liberal amount of salt (should taste neither bland nor salty when the stock is complete.) It is best to let it boil hard until the meat has fallen completely off the bone (2 to 3 hours). You may have to add water several times during the process. Final volume should be about 4 quarts. Strain out all bones and meat. Remove excess fat by either siphoning the soup from the bottom or skimming the fat from the top after overnight refrigeration. Store the stock in refrigerator for up to 2 days or in freezer for long term. Otherwise, continue with soup assembly.

Meatballs
Mix the ground meat, bread crumbs, two eggs, salt and pepper, parsley, oregano well by hand or in a mixer until well combined. Pre-heat oven to 375º. Roll the mixture into balls that are about the size of a cherry tomato (3/4” diameter or so) and place on a cookie sheet. Cook the meatballs in the oven for about 12 minutes (or until they begin to brown). Remove from the oven, turn each meatball over, and return to the oven until brown all over. Store the meatballs in a plastic container in the refrigerator for up to two days, or continue to soup assembly.

Soup Assembly
Drop the meatballs into the soup stock. Bring the soup to a boil. Beat five eggs in a bowl or measuring cup until they are uniformly mixed. Add the grated Locatelli and mix well. With the soup at a hard boil, slowly drizzle in the egg and cheese mixture. (If you add it all at once you will have scrambled eggs. If you add it slowly you’ll get a nice light egg drop). Return the soup to a boil for about 20 minutes, stirring to break up floating egg drop until it distributes itself throughout. Make any final salt and pepper adjustments that might be necessary. Add the escarole a large handful at a time, stirring the soup while you do, and cook no longer than three minutes after it has all been added. Immediately ladle out into bowls, garnish with the green onions, and serve. (Don’t allow the escarole to change from bright green to pale green by overcooking it. The escarole will cook in the bowls just enough).

Orange and Black Book Report CY2021

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book report from the Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs (DCNF) for Candy Year ending October 31. 2021 (CY2021). The reporting agency has moved to its new offices in the Southern Region, located in suburban Nashville, TN.

Weather was clear but cool at prime trick-or-treat (TOT) time of 6:00 pm CDT. Confounding factors for CY2021 include construction vehicles and debris, lingering COVID-19 social and economic disturbances, and school night concerns. Additionally, local neighbors agreed to distribute from a communal area rather than requiring individual doorbell ringing.

Treats were comprised of of full size Hershey, Kit Kat, Reeses Cups, and non-chocolate choice of Haribo Gold Bears. One distributer was not equally displaying candy as to obscure the Haribo, slightly skewing desirability values. TOT were also offered choices from four additional neighbors at the same stop, increasing both choice and availability.

TOT participants were generally younger (average 6 years +/- 5 years) and numbered about 20 in total, arriving in four large groups escorted by non-participating adults. Costumes included, but were not limited to, princesses, military costumes, 80s exercise costumes, animee, and graven images.

Distribution personnel kept themselves comfortable with hot toddies and propane firepit.

Locating the Hanger Bolts at Lowes

Time: The Present, a summer evening.
Setting: Lowes hardware aisle.

No photo description available.


Homeownerman: Excuse me. Do you know where I might find hanger bolts?

Lowes Hardware Expert: ____

H: [catching sight line of LHE] EXCUSE ME. Do you know where I might find hanger bolts?

LHE: Hammer holds?

H: No, HANGER BOLTS.

LHE: Anchor bolts?

H: No, HANGER bolts. H-A-N-G-E-R bolts.

LHE: Is the first word “Hanger?”

H: Yes, Hanger bolts.

LHE: What’s the second word?

H: BOLT. B-O-L-T.

LHE: Oh, Hanger bolts. No, I never heard of them.

H: Your website says you have them.

LHE: What do they look like?

H: They look like a lag screw on one end and a carriage bolt on the other.

LHE: I’ve never needed one of those. What would I need that for?

H: I wasn’t buying it for you, I was buying it for me.

LHE: Well I don’t think you would need that. What are you doing? Wait – we do have those over here.

H: That’s great, thanks.

LHE: I went to Pottsville once.

H: Mm-hmm.

LHE: It’s a good beer. I went there once.

H: [realizing I’m wearing a Yuengling cap] Oh. Nice.

LHE: Is it your favorite?

H: It is ok, but I prefer Anchor Bolt Steam Beer.

LHE: I’ve never had that one. I’ll have to give it a try.

Orange & Black Book Report CY2020

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book reporting for candy year ending October 31, 2020 (CY2020), as compiled by the department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs (DCNF).

Halloween fell on a Saturday this year, and had complicating factors of a full moon and an extra hour sleep due to the concurrence of the seasonal end of Daylight Savings Time. (See report from the department of Daylighting and Moonlighting for just how much daylight was saved in 2020.) Confounding factors for this year’s candy supply chain included a one-time pandemic (COVID-19, see abstracts). This factor also obfuscated what can legally be considered a “Halloween Mask” versus a “Personal Protection Mask”, however it is the feeling of the board of directors that any mask will be considered a Halloween mask for the purposes of costume counting, though this exception was only valid for the twelve hours before and the twelve hours after median trick-or-treating (T-oT) time of 6:00 PM.

For the Eastern district of Flemington, 59 T-oT participants received treats. 57 of these were of the chocolate/nougat/nut variety, with choices being spread evenly between full size Hershey Bars (HB), HB with almonds, Reese Peanut butter Cups (RPC), and Twix. 2 To-T received the alternative of Halloween-themed pencils.

Unprecedented due to confounding situations noted above, the eastern distribution center was depleted of candy by about 7:15 PM. Therefore the numbers would have been undoubtedly higher. The candy distribution personnel were forced to extinguish all external lighting of the dwelling as well as main floor lighting and retreat to upstairs rooms. DCNF expects there to be retaliation for this action including, but not limited to, eggs and other projectile launching at the dwelling. We do predict a lack of toilet-papering (TP) as TP has become a highly sought after commodity in CY2020.

The following is the annual Orange & Black book report for Candy Year 2019 as reported by the Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs.

For CY2019, a seasonally-adjusted 44 trick-or-treaters arrived on location at the Flemington reporting station, representing an increase of 7.3% over CY2018. These results surprised forecasters who predicted a low turnout due to high winds and predicted rain. However, unrealized precipitation and favorable temperatures, combined with recent real estate transactions in the area which increased the count of eligible T-o-T candidates. The T-o-Ts presented with an estimated a median age of 8 ± 3.3 years, significantly lower than CY 2018. Two factors may account for this difference, the aforementioned real estate boom and the recent relocation of Alex Mannix from the neighborhood. Costume effort was high, with the most popular costume being S.W.A.T. members for boys, princesses for girls, with a spread between Elsa, Belle, Cinderella, and Rapunzel.

6.8% of children chose candy-alternate treats, maintaining a steady rate over the past 3 years. Forecasters predict moderate growth of T-o-T over the next two seasons.

The above is believed to be accurate. However readers should not consider this advice of future candy consumption, nor do the authors make any guarantees regarding economic impact these numbers may cause.

Orange & Black Book Report CY2019

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange & Black book report for Candy Year 2019 as reported by the Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs.

For CY2019, a seasonally-adjusted 44 trick-or-treaters arrived on location at the Flemington reporting station, representing an increase of 7.3% over CY2018. These results surprised forecasters who predicted a low turnout due to high winds and predicted rain. However, unrealized precipitation and favorable temperatures, combined with recent real estate transactions in the area which increased the count of eligible T-o-T candidates. The T-o-Ts presented with an estimated a median age of 8 ± 3.3 years, significantly lower than CY 2018. Two factors may account for this difference, the aforementioned real estate boom and the recent relocation of Alex Mannix from the neighborhood. Costume effort was high, with the most popular costume being S.W.A.T. members for boys, princesses for girls, with a spread between Elsa, Belle, Cinderella, and Rapunzel.

6.8% of children chose candy-alternate treats, maintaining a steady rate over the past 3 years. Forecasters predict moderate growth of T-o-T over the next two seasons.

The above is believed to be accurate. However readers should not consider this advice of future candy consumption, nor do the authors make any guarantees regarding economic impact these numbers may cause.

Homeownerman Makes Gavva Deals

Homeownerman Makes Gavva Deals

I’m a terrible speller. I always have been. I believe it to be of environmental cause rather than genetic, though. The second word I learned to spell after my first name was my last name. This was a problem, because it followed no known pattern of spelling for English words, having only one vowel in the middle of 8 other letters, so it started me off on the wrong foot.

But my mother’s family further confused things with the many words that they said that did not look like the words they spelled. For example, at the deli counter one day my mother asked for something that sounded like “bro-zhoot.” My eyes scanned the board behind the counter for a word that looked like what she asked for. When the man handed her the package, he had written “prosciutto” in grease pencil on the wrapper. She frequently would make “pasta fazool” which I loved, but I never saw it on a menu in an Italian restaurant. Years later I found out it was spelled “pasta fagioli.”

Another of her favorites was a type of pasta called “gavva deals.” She would occasionally make balls of dough, press it out in her pasta machine, cut it in circles, and curl them as she rolled them across a small, wooden board with ridges in it. These were boiled and usually served with gravy (which other kids called spaghetti sauce), but sometimes with garlic and broccoli. I was later to learn that the word was not spelled “gavva deals”, but “cavatelli.”

Flash forward to 2017. I have spell check but I still manage to foil it sometimes. And while a lot of this is due to the fact that I am a poor typist, a bigger reason is that I never learned any spelling patterns I could trust.

Today was WifeGirl’s birthday, and when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday dinner, she requested cavatelli and broccoli. Now, if I were your ordinary schlep, I would have gone to the frozen food section of the store and bought a bag of frozen cavatelli (which aren’t bad, I might add, but would not befit the occasion.) Since I am Homeownerman, I hatched a grand plan to make cavatelli and broccoli from scratch to honor WifeGirl on her birthday.

But I realized right off the bat that I didn’t have the cavatelli ridge-making gizmo. So I descended to the Homeownerman cave to make one. Cutting a 6″ piece of ¼” pine, I set it up on my table saw with the blade tilted to 30º and protruding 1/8″ from the table. I then made successive passes of the wood over the blade, moving the fence 2 mm to the right after each pass. The resulting board was washed and treated with olive oil. It resembled fairly closely the gizmo my mother had.


I then made the egg pasta dough using the recipe from one of my favorite cookbooks we have in stately Homeownerman Manner, “Italian Family Cooking (Like Mama Used to Make)” by Anne Casale. It goes like this:

Egg Pasta – Yields about 12 ounces (or when I’ve used the recipe about 30 ravioli, or ~ 11 dozen cavatelli).

1 ¾ cups (8 oz) superfine semolina (I use regular flour)

½ taspoon salt

2 extra large eggs

1 Tablespoon olive oil

1 to 2 Tablespoons of warm water

I use the food processor method, which goes like this:

Place the flour and salt in the food processor fitted with the metal blade, Pulse the machine once for about 3 seconds. Beat the eggs slightly with a fork in a glass measuring cup. Turn the food processor on, and slowly pour the eggs through the feed tube. Run the food processor until the mixture resembles coarse meal, about 30 seconds.


With the machine running, pour the 1 Tablespoon of olive oil through the feed tube in a thin tube. With the machine still running, add one Tablespoon of water through the feed tube a few drops at a time. Run the machine an additional 30 seconds. Stop the machine, scrape down the sides with a rubber spatula, and run it again until a dough ball forms. If it does not form, add a few drops of water at a time until it does. Stop the machine, remove the metal blade, and then remove the dough. Coat your hands with a little olive oil, and then roll the ball of dough lightly in your hands until it is covered with olive oil. Place in a bowl and cover with a dish towel. Allow it to rest for 30 minutes.


Quarter the ball of dough, and flour each quarter lightly when you are ready to roll it out in the pasta roller. The outside of the dough should have enough flour on it so that it does not stick in the roller. Begin running it through the pasta roller at the thickest setting (mine is “8”). Reduce the thickness with each pass until you get to about 1/8″ to 3/16″ thickness (about a “6” on my machine).


Once you have a good, flat sheet, lightly flour each side again. Cut 1″ circles (I use a 1″ copper slip elbow) which you can get at Home Depot. It was less than a dollar when I got mine; I see that the price of copper has gone up a lot since then.



Flour the texturing gizmo, and roll each of the circles of dough across the gizmo until they are curled into traditional cavatelli shapes. I tried different directions for this, but rolling across the ridges seems to produce the best results.



Cavatelli and Broccoli

One head of Broccoli

One head of garlic

¼ cup olive oil

¼ cup of butter

2 cups of chicken broth

Salt and pepper to taste

Grated Locatelli cheese to taste

I never made this before, so I did a lot of yelling into the other room to the birthday girl to get her secrets.

Wash the broccoli and break into large florets. Break apart the head of garlic, peel, and cut into thin slices. Heat a deep skillet. When hot, add the olive oil and the butter, stirring to combine them while they are still fairly cold. Add the garlic and sauté until slightly brown. Add the chicken broth and reduce in half.


Bring two quarts of pasta water to a boil and lightly salt. Add the cavatelli and boil for about 12 minutes or until al dente or even a little less cooked. At the broccoli florets and allow them to cook for 3 minutes with the cavatelli.


Scoop the cavatelli and broccoli out of the water and introduce them into the garlic reduction. Mix lightly and quickly until coated. Serve and add grated Locatelli to taste.


Self-correcting Inefficiency

Here is a story so bizarre that it boggles the mind. I don’t know whether to file it under “True but improbable”, “Self-correcting Inefficiency”, or a category not yet invented, but I will leave it to the reader to place it in the proper file.

The Flemington, NJ 08822 post office services 30,354 patrons according to unitedstateszipcodes.org, in an area that covers 63.71 square miles. These facts will become relevant later in the story.

We are residents of 08822, and are planning a trip to Wales in the near future. My wife Florence made travel arrangements with a tour company in the United Kingdom, and as part of the plans the company sent two packages of information in large, white, padded envelopes with our address clearly imprinted and the indicators “1 of 2” and “2 of 2” written in black Sharpie on the outside. The packages cost £19.60 and £13.25 to ship (about $42.00 US) and left UK on May 11, 2017.

About a week later, package “1 of 2” arrived at our home on Meadowrun Way, delivered by our “new” postal delivery lady. I say “new”, though she has been delivering to our home for at least five years. I also don’t refer to her by name, not because I am protecting her identity, but because we don’t know her name; she avoids any contact with the people she services and so we have never learned her name. Her predecessor, Mark, was the model of efficiency. He had our route for the first sixteen years we lived in 08822. He was friendly, helpful, and rarely made any delivery errors. He would make a single pass through our 72-home neighborhood each day, efficiently passing each home on the right side of the truck one time only, inserting the mail fully and closing the door of each box all the way. If the mail was too big to fit in the box, he’d get out of the truck and bring it to the door. Each parcel was precious cargo to him, and each patron was a postal customer who had great respect and love for him.

For simplicity-sake, let’s call the “new” mail carrier “Happy” since her method of delivering mail can only be described as haphazard. It takes her several hours each day to make the deliveries in our neighborhood. She is frequently seen turning around in driveways halfway down a block to deliver mail to the other side of the street, only to have to do so again to finish the second half of the block. Happy drives in reverse at high speeds to the previous box sometimes. You would expect it is to correct an error she made delivering mail, but the laws of chance seem to go against this notion since at the end of each day, when neighbors go out to retrieve their mail, there is a rehearsed square-dance of neighbors do-si-do’ing down the street as they re-deliver all of the incorrect mail that they have received, and hoping that the other neighbors will bow-to-their-partner to redistribute the mail they received by mistake. Mail frequently does not show up, likely because the person who received it felt it was sufficiently unimportant as to require them to re-deliver it, or because it has been lost in the bottom of the mail truck forever.

Such was the case with our package “2 of 2” from the UK. For a week it did not appear. So my wife contacted the tour company who indicated that the two packages had indeed left their hands at the same time, and asking her to wait another week to see if it had been misrouted.

The story shifts gears a moment here, as I mention that we have been talking about our upcoming trip for several weeks to everyone with which we chance to have a conversation. The topic came up with our Deacon’s wife who, like most Deacons’ wives, make it their business to know everything about everyone. They use this skill not in a creepy way, but in a very useful and cataloging way that can be instrumental in making many connections between people. Our Deacon’s wife mentioned that there is a couple in our Parish who used to live in Wales, and that they may have some good travel advice. Rick and Jeanmarie are the Parishioners’ names, and we know them as good acquaintances. They were a wealth of good information, and before Mass last Sunday Jeanmarie said to us that she’d put together some lists of things to do, travel books, and some of their “must-see” places for our visit.

Back at home another week went by, and our travel packet had not shown up from the tour company. So Florence again contacted them to let them know. They did not want to mail another packet out, owing to the high postal cost and expecting that it might not arrive in time. But they agreed to have a packet delivered to our first hotel in Wales so that we could take advantage of the information while on our trip.

Sunday came again, and at church we saw Jeanmarie walking towards us with a large bag in one hand which included all of the aforementioned travel information for Wales. In her other hand was a large, dirty-brown envelope which said “2 of 2” at the bottom of it. The envelope, which was indeed the one from the travel company and correctly had our name and address on it, was evidently sliding around the bottom of the mail truck for two weeks before being delivered to Jeanmarie’s home the previous day. She lives on Meadow Lark Ct., which is in our zip code but is more than two miles from where we live, and her box number is different from ours. Our last names both begin with “D”, but the similarity ends there. When we compared notes on postal carriers, Jeanmarie indicated that theirs is a “ditsy” and unfriendly woman. We were fairly sure she was describing Happy.

So I pose the question: How did it happen that a package makes it a quarter the way around the world and arrives in our post office with no trouble in a period of one week. But the same package is then kicked around a mail truck for two weeks, is delivered to one of 30,000 possible recipients, and the recipient is not the correct recipient, but is the one other person in the zip code that would have similar business with the intended recipient?

The chances seem so astronomical that I feel like I am missing a simple and obvious explanation, and yet that explanation eludes me. I will entertain alternate explanations.