HomeOwnerMan – Homeownerman

Homeownerman Rant: Video Doorbells

So, our video doorbell went bad after about a year. We are on our third one in about 4 1/2 years. This last one may have gotten bugs in the electronics, because the batteries (expensive lithium type, of course) burnt out quickly, and when we put the new ones in they immediately got really hot and the doorbell would no longer sync. This of course was never a problem with a mechanical doorbell. So, we bought a new one, same brand (Blink) hoping it would be a “pop the old one off, hook the he new one on” installation. Of course this is not the case.

Blink has decided to change the design ever-so-slightly so that the mounting screw configuration is different. This required drilling into the brick with a hammer drill (HomeOwnerMan has one of these along with the proper size and variety bit).

Blink further changed the design of the back plate, allowing no location for the electrical connections to the inside mechanical bell (the old design had this). I was forced to either modify (cut out) the new plate or squeeze the electrical connections behind the plate on a mortar line (I chose “B”).

Also, the new one requires 3 expensive lithium batteries rather than two.

Thank you, product engineers, for ensuring your own jobs and continually frustrating the consumer.

Homeownerman’s Pretzel King Revised Recipe 5/25/2025

Revised Soft Pretzel Recipe

(Includes Lye Bath and Freezing Step)
5/25/2025

Dough Ingredients:

1 ¼ cup water (warm, about 100-110°F)

2 teaspoons active dry yeast

1 tablespoon Sugar

2 tablespoon Butter (softened)

1 teaspoon Table Salt

4 cups flour (or 2 cups whole wheat and 2 cups white)

Preparation ingredients:

3 teaspoons Baker’s Lye (Sodium Hydroxide, food grade)

3 cups water

1 tablespoon Kosher Salt or Pretzel Salt

In a large mixer bowl, combine water, yeast, and sugar and allow the yeast to become active and bubbly (3 or 4 min). Add the butter and table salt and mix until the butter is evenly distributed. Add the flour, ½ cup at a time until the mixture is about the consistency of pancake batter. Switch to the dough hook, and then continue to add the flour, adjusting until the dough does not stick to the mixing bowl but is still a little sticky. Kneed for 6-10 minutes until the dough is smooth.

Cover with a dish towel and allow to rise until doubled (about 1 hour).

Weigh the dough, and divide evenly into 12 balls (usually between 70-90 gm/ball). Roll each dough ball into a 24″ x ½” rope, and twist into traditional shapes or braid into tiny loaves or wreaths. Place on a baking sheet covered with a silpat. Allow to rise an additional 30 min. Freeze for at least 1 hour. (You can freeze them for up to two weeks and have them ready-to-go in this state.) Freezing helps them to maintain their shape when they are blanched in the baker’s lye.

Pre-heat oven to 400°F. Prepare a bath of water and baker’s lye at a ratio of 1 cup of water per teaspoon of lye in a sauce pan. (I usually make 3 to 4 cups) Blanche the pretzels in the boiling solution for exactly 30 seconds per side flipping once (wear gloves and safety glasses), and remove them with a slotted spoon, allowing them to drip dry. Place them on cookie sheet with a silpat. Sprinkle pretzel salt on them to liking. Bake for 18-22 minutes until they are golden brown. Cool on cookie racks or eat while still warm.

Orange and Black Report 2024

Orange & Black Book Report CY2024

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book report for Candy Year 2024 (CY2024) ending October 31, 2024. The weather in the Middle Tennessee reporting region was raining and mild (low 70s).

In a reversal of recent Halloween trends, trick-or-treating (T-or-T) showed a mild rebound. T-o-Ters were up 37% from CY2023 which was an all-time low. Distributors put as little effort into their job as possible, spending more attention on the Joe Rogan/JD Vance interview than to candy distribution,

The Middle Tennessee station reports 21 T-o-Ters with a median age of 11 +/- 2.3 years, with four entry-level T-o-Ters. This leading indicator reverses the downward trend of last year, indicating a renewed interest in the holiday tradition. A new trend seems to be a high number of adult escorts, (in one case a 6:1 adult to T-or-Ter, placing into question the future ability of the next generation to take care of the current generation in their golden years.)

T-o-Ters were met with an ample supply of premium full-sized chocolate candy including Kit-Kat, Hershey Bars, Hershey with Almonds, and Reese Peanut butter cups, sourced from the Murfreesboro Big Box store (Costco). Distributors were disappointed at the lack of overflow chocolate, however their healthcare workers (including but not limited to dentists and primary care physicians) were delighted.

Another leading indicator, costumes, showed optimistic trends. Whereas in CY2023 there was barely a costume seen, this year nearly every T-or-Ter was adorned in a new costume which gave off the odor of fresh vinyl and other fossil-fuel based fibers. Costumes included Woody, princesses of various Disney movies, and martial-arts type characters. Two oversized inflatable costumes were also noted.

The first T-or-Ter arrived at 6:16 PM CDT, and the last group arrived at 7:40 PM CDT. Awkward conversations included the number of mosquitoes attracted by our porch light.

One distributor complained at 7:41 PM that she could not do quality control on the candy until 8:00 PM. The Distribution manager sighted the low inventory and low quality backup inventory. The manager set a hard-stop of lights out at 8:00 PM.

The lack of chocolate in the house is concerning as the depression-inducing presidential election is only five days away.

Orange & Black Book Report CY2023

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book report for Candy Year 2023 (CY2023) ending October 31, 2023. The weather in the Middle Tennessee reporting region was cold (low 40s) with partly starry skies and a waning gibbous moon. As speculated last year, the rise in the Trunk-or-Treat phenomenon has all but put an end to Halloween trick-or-treating in this region. T-o-Ters were down to an all-time low, which forced local distribution centers into chasing down local teenagers and stuffing candy in their hands, as well as increased efforts in candy quality control testing.

The Middle Tennessee station reports 15 T-o-Ters with a median age of 9 +/- 2.1 years, with only a single entry-level T-o-Ter. This leading indicator casts pessimism on future years, with a low number of T-or-Ters to fill the vacancies caused by the aging young teen cohort.

T-o-Ters were met with an ample supply of over-priced (see economic indicators) “Fun Size” candy including Three Musketeers, Snickers, Skittles, and Starburst. Carnauba-wax products were again under-represented, with neither Haribo Gold Bears nor Gummy Worms being offered at any of the distribution centers. The Tennessee distribution center did experiment in the off season with chocolate refining as well as gummy-bear production. Both are deemed to be economically not feasible and of too high quality to be passed out, based on the lack of effort put in by the T-o-Ters.

The local area candy market was set up by some of the neighborhood, but this served to only confuse the T-o-Ters because not all neighbors participated in the market this year.

So few discernable costumes were displayed this year that it was below the scale for measurement. Exercise sweats and LED or glow stick lights are now the most imaginative costumes warn. This agent would have been delighted to have seen a single princess, power ranger, or graven image in the bunch, but sadly there were none.

By 7:45 CDT there were no signs of life.

The outlook for the longevity of this holiday is dim, at least as it was celebrated in the 1950’s through 1980’s. Most houses no longer distribute candy. The T-oTers do not walk the neighborhood but rather are driven, and the whole point of costumes seems to be lost. Our statisticians are beyond depressed at the turn it has taken.

Get off our Dept. CNF lawn.

Orange & Black Book Report CY2022

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book report for Candy Year 2022 (CY2022) ending October 31, 2022. The weather in the Middle Tennessee reporting region was chilly (mid 50s) with light rain. These factors, coupled with the holiday falling on a Monday, local rise in popularity of the Trunk-or-Treat phenomenon, poor economy including increased candy and costume prices, and post-pandemic introversion combined to affect the overall demand and supply of candy.

The Middle Tennessee station reports 30 T-o-Ters with a median age of 10 +/- 3.5 years, with fewer entry-level T-o-Ters than usual. Although the completion of an additional seven homes since CY2021 gave leading indicator of an increased demand, forecasters overestimated this demand failing to account for team sporting events and extra-neighborhood socialization.

The bottom line was a seasonally adjusted 30 T-o-Ters who were met with an ample supply of Kit-Kat, Reese cups, Hershey Bars with Almonds, Snickers, and assorted chocolate novelties. Carnauba-wax products were under-represented, with neither Haribo Gold Bears nor Gummy Worms being offered at any of the distribution centers.

In an effort to bring the suppliers in more convenient proximity to the consumers, many of the distributors assembled in a makeshift candy market at the center of the neighborhood. While developmental psychologists caution against this activity as it removes the requirement for the consumers to travel door-to-door, the distributors prefer this arrangement as it promotes social banter, note-comparison regarding home-builder deficiencies, and ability to provide value-added services such as music and log fires.

Costume imagination set a new low in the years since these statistics have been tabulated. The mode was toward domesticated canines (dalmations) and felines, with municipal services (police, fire) remaining a strong sector. Glowing graven-image masks rallied this year, with fewer princesses and power rangers.

It was lights-out at 8:00 PM CDT, in time to see most of the Monday Night Football game.

Escarole Soup (Italian Wedding Soup)

Escarole Soup
(Italian Wedding Soup)

This is an adaptation of my mother’s recipe. She never really measured things too much, so the measurements are ad lib. This recipe can be broken up into several stages, namely chicken stock, meatballs, and soup assembly, and can be done over successive days if need be. This makes it pretty easy to make for a holiday since most of the work can be done ahead of time.

Ingredients:
1 (or more) chicken or turkey carcass(es).
Salt to taste
1 ¼ to 1 ½ lb ground meatloaf mix (typically turkey, veal, and beef, but any ground meats will do)
7 eggs (2 for meatballs, 5 for egg drop mixture)
½ cup seasoned bread crumbs
¼ cup fresh parsley, minced
Salt & pepper to taste
1 tsp oregano
1 cup of grated Locatelli cheese
1 large (or 2 small) head(s) of escarole, washed and cut into 1” x 2” strips
3 scallions, cut into ¼” pieces

Chicken Stock
Boil fresh or frozen poultry carcass in about 6 quarts of water and a liberal amount of salt (should taste neither bland nor salty when the stock is complete.) It is best to let it boil hard until the meat has fallen completely off the bone (2 to 3 hours). You may have to add water several times during the process. Final volume should be about 4 quarts. Strain out all bones and meat. Remove excess fat by either siphoning the soup from the bottom or skimming the fat from the top after overnight refrigeration. Store the stock in refrigerator for up to 2 days or in freezer for long term. Otherwise, continue with soup assembly.

Meatballs
Mix the ground meat, bread crumbs, two eggs, salt and pepper, parsley, oregano well by hand or in a mixer until well combined. Pre-heat oven to 375º. Roll the mixture into balls that are about the size of a cherry tomato (3/4” diameter or so) and place on a cookie sheet. Cook the meatballs in the oven for about 12 minutes (or until they begin to brown). Remove from the oven, turn each meatball over, and return to the oven until brown all over. Store the meatballs in a plastic container in the refrigerator for up to two days, or continue to soup assembly.

Soup Assembly
Drop the meatballs into the soup stock. Bring the soup to a boil. Beat five eggs in a bowl or measuring cup until they are uniformly mixed. Add the grated Locatelli and mix well. With the soup at a hard boil, slowly drizzle in the egg and cheese mixture. (If you add it all at once you will have scrambled eggs. If you add it slowly you’ll get a nice light egg drop). Return the soup to a boil for about 20 minutes, stirring to break up floating egg drop until it distributes itself throughout. Make any final salt and pepper adjustments that might be necessary. Add the escarole a large handful at a time, stirring the soup while you do, and cook no longer than three minutes after it has all been added. Immediately ladle out into bowls, garnish with the green onions, and serve. (Don’t allow the escarole to change from bright green to pale green by overcooking it. The escarole will cook in the bowls just enough).

Orange and Black Book Report CY2021

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book report from the Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs (DCNF) for Candy Year ending October 31. 2021 (CY2021). The reporting agency has moved to its new offices in the Southern Region, located in suburban Nashville, TN.

Weather was clear but cool at prime trick-or-treat (TOT) time of 6:00 pm CDT. Confounding factors for CY2021 include construction vehicles and debris, lingering COVID-19 social and economic disturbances, and school night concerns. Additionally, local neighbors agreed to distribute from a communal area rather than requiring individual doorbell ringing.

Treats were comprised of of full size Hershey, Kit Kat, Reeses Cups, and non-chocolate choice of Haribo Gold Bears. One distributer was not equally displaying candy as to obscure the Haribo, slightly skewing desirability values. TOT were also offered choices from four additional neighbors at the same stop, increasing both choice and availability.

TOT participants were generally younger (average 6 years +/- 5 years) and numbered about 20 in total, arriving in four large groups escorted by non-participating adults. Costumes included, but were not limited to, princesses, military costumes, 80s exercise costumes, animee, and graven images.

Distribution personnel kept themselves comfortable with hot toddies and propane firepit.

Locating the Hanger Bolts at Lowes

Time: The Present, a summer evening.
Setting: Lowes hardware aisle.

Homeownerman: Excuse me. Do you know where I might find hanger bolts?

Lowes Hardware Expert: ____

H: [catching sight line of LHE] EXCUSE ME. Do you know where I might find hanger bolts?

LHE: Hammer holds?

H: No, HANGER BOLTS.

LHE: Anchor bolts?

H: No, HANGER bolts. H-A-N-G-E-R bolts.

LHE: Is the first word “Hanger?”

H: Yes, Hanger bolts.

LHE: What’s the second word?

H: BOLT. B-O-L-T.

LHE: Oh, Hanger bolts. No, I never heard of them.

H: Your website says you have them.

LHE: What do they look like?

H: They look like a lag screw on one end and a carriage bolt on the other.

LHE: I’ve never needed one of those. What would I need that for?

H: I wasn’t buying it for you, I was buying it for me.

LHE: Well I don’t think you would need that. What are you doing? Wait – we do have those over here.

H: That’s great, thanks.

LHE: I went to Pottsville once.

H: Mm-hmm.

LHE: It’s a good beer. I went there once.

H: [realizing I’m wearing a Yuengling cap] Oh. Nice.

LHE: Is it your favorite?

H: It is ok, but I prefer Anchor Bolt Steam Beer.

LHE: I’ve never had that one. I’ll have to give it a try.

Orange & Black Book Report CY2020

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange and Black Book reporting for candy year ending October 31, 2020 (CY2020), as compiled by the department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs (DCNF).

Halloween fell on a Saturday this year, and had complicating factors of a full moon and an extra hour sleep due to the concurrence of the seasonal end of Daylight Savings Time. (See report from the department of Daylighting and Moonlighting for just how much daylight was saved in 2020.) Confounding factors for this year’s candy supply chain included a one-time pandemic (COVID-19, see abstracts). This factor also obfuscated what can legally be considered a “Halloween Mask” versus a “Personal Protection Mask”, however it is the feeling of the board of directors that any mask will be considered a Halloween mask for the purposes of costume counting, though this exception was only valid for the twelve hours before and the twelve hours after median trick-or-treating (T-oT) time of 6:00 PM.

For the Eastern district of Flemington, 59 T-oT participants received treats. 57 of these were of the chocolate/nougat/nut variety, with choices being spread evenly between full size Hershey Bars (HB), HB with almonds, Reese Peanut butter Cups (RPC), and Twix. 2 To-T received the alternative of Halloween-themed pencils.

Unprecedented due to confounding situations noted above, the eastern distribution center was depleted of candy by about 7:15 PM. Therefore the numbers would have been undoubtedly higher. The candy distribution personnel were forced to extinguish all external lighting of the dwelling as well as main floor lighting and retreat to upstairs rooms. DCNF expects there to be retaliation for this action including, but not limited to, eggs and other projectile launching at the dwelling. We do predict a lack of toilet-papering (TP) as TP has become a highly sought after commodity in CY2020.

The following is the annual Orange & Black book report for Candy Year 2019 as reported by the Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs.

For CY2019, a seasonally-adjusted 44 trick-or-treaters arrived on location at the Flemington reporting station, representing an increase of 7.3% over CY2018. These results surprised forecasters who predicted a low turnout due to high winds and predicted rain. However, unrealized precipitation and favorable temperatures, combined with recent real estate transactions in the area which increased the count of eligible T-o-T candidates. The T-o-Ts presented with an estimated a median age of 8 ± 3.3 years, significantly lower than CY 2018. Two factors may account for this difference, the aforementioned real estate boom and the recent relocation of Alex Mannix from the neighborhood. Costume effort was high, with the most popular costume being S.W.A.T. members for boys, princesses for girls, with a spread between Elsa, Belle, Cinderella, and Rapunzel.

6.8% of children chose candy-alternate treats, maintaining a steady rate over the past 3 years. Forecasters predict moderate growth of T-o-T over the next two seasons.

The above is believed to be accurate. However readers should not consider this advice of future candy consumption, nor do the authors make any guarantees regarding economic impact these numbers may cause.

Orange & Black Book Report CY2019

Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs

The following is the annual Orange & Black book report for Candy Year 2019 as reported by the Department of Caramel, Nougat, and Fireballs.

6.8% of children chose candy-alternate treats, maintaining a steady rate over the past 3 years. Forecasters predict moderate growth of T-o-T over the next two seasons.